44 – The Explosive Rumour Mill

Before the incident with Maya at Jai’s school, I saw the children regularly, a few times a week and on the weekends. After the humiliation I faced at the school though, I never went back there.

It wasn’t the first time I felt uncomfortable at that school either. The other mums who stood at the gates chatting away while waiting to collect their boys at hometime had never been welcoming to me. I was 21 and they were mostly in their 30’s or 40’s. Most would have been highly educated and successful in their careers. I was a school dropout who got pregnant as a teenager. I dressed in miniskirts and Ugg boots while they wore crisp white blouses and sensible trousers. Even Maya was older than me; she was closer to Maanav’s age and a university graduate who worked a corporate job for an energy multinational. Of course she fit right in with the other school mums. I remember feeling all their eyes on me whenever I went to pick Jai up. They never spoke to me. I would wait in the car until the last minute, welcome him with a hug and kiss and leave as quickly as possible.

After that last nail in the coffin after Jai’s first school performance, I knew there was no point trying to implore the school to help me. I had no fight in me. I didn’t fight Maya back. I didn’t stand up for myself. Where before, I used to pick up Jai from school a few times a week, I was now down to seeing my children on the weekends only. Maya had won some turf and a half.

Before that happened though, I was seeing Jai and Veer more regularly and I needed a place to live closer to them. Milli’s student house was 45 miles away on the motorway, and the travel was taking its toll on the car, my time and money.

Abhay kindly stepped in and offered the spare room in his flat which was closer to the kids. Remember Abhay? The friend I was accused of having an affair with? Although Maanav was already in a relationship with Maya, the thought that I had perhaps moved on clearly didn’t sit well with him. While I was staying with Abhay for those couple of days, nothing happened between us. He was nothing but a supportive friend who got ground to dust in Maanav’s rumour mill. Maanav must have had some spies in the area because when he heard that my car had been seen outside Abhay’s flat, he went nuts at me and the mill went into overdrive.

Everyone’s talking about me. Maanav hasn’t held back. He’s got everyone believing his tales. I can’t even repeat some of the things they’re saying. If he’s saying these things to other people, what’s he telling his own family? What’s he telling Maya about me? No wonder she hates me. Wait, what’s he telling our children?

Maanav even duped his own mother into thinking I was a monster, right in front of my eyes, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I had gone to the house to collect some clothes. I was upstairs on the top floor of the house where our bedroom was. Thankfully, Jai and Veer weren’t there. Maanav came into the room while I was packing some things and an argument ensued. We were both shouting at each other. His mother heard us and came up the stairs calling out, “What’s going on?!”

The moment Maanav heard his mother’s voice nearby, he dropped to the floor and put his arms up as if he was shielding himself from me. I couldn’t believe it. His mother walked into the room to see him writhing around on the floor calling to his mother that I was beating him up, and me standing there shocked to my senses, trying to claim my innocence. I hadn’t touched him, but it was a lost cause; there was no way his mother would believe me.

This was the moment I knew, I didn’t know Maanav at all.

If the man I once loved with all of my heart, who had once been head over heels in love with me too, can do this, there’s no telling what else he’s capable of.

Staying at Abhay’s didn’t last long. As good as his intentions were, the pressure of the rumours and probably the stick he got from Maanav was too stressful for him. One night, when he had a party at his place for a few of his friends, it was the last straw for him. I don’t blame him. I got really drunk and shut myself in a room, crying, wailing out my children’s names. I was so wasted, they didn’t know what to do with me. I couldn’t even walk. So, a couple of his friends carried me to their car and dropped me off at my parents’ house where they put a mattress on the living room floor for me to sleep off the booze. Although we kept in touch and he still tried to be a supportive friend, understandably, I wasn’t exactly welcome to stay at Abhay’s flat anymore after that.

The last time all of Jai and Veer’s grandparents were under one roof was the most explosive and most traumatic for my family, and no doubt for Jai. This memory makes my heart break for him over and over again.

We had a meeting planned at Maanav’s family house with all four grandparents and my sisters-in-law present to discuss how we would all go forward with the situation. Maanav was on the top floor putting Veer to sleep in the nursery and I was allowed to go to the first floor to put Jai to bed before we started the meeting downstairs.

Jai, although only three years old, seemed to know something was up; no doubt he felt the tension in the house. He knew his Nana and Nani, my parents, were downstairs and he didn’t want to go to sleep. I read to him from a book and tried to settle him down into bed, but he just wouldn’t settle. He jumped up and hung onto me. I tried to lay him down again and I told him a little firmly that it was time for bed and he had to go to sleep as he had school the next day. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just how any parent would explain to their child they had to do something they didn’t want to do.

I didn’t know it, but Maanav had been outside the door listening. In a moment, he barged in shouting at me that I had no right to speak to Jai like that. He began screaming at me as if I’d done something horrendous. I was stunned. I tried to say back that I hadn’t done anything, but he only shouted louder, right in front of Jai. Trembling, I got out of there as quickly as I could and ran down the stairs. As I reached the landing, everyone had gathered there, trying to understand what all the commotion was about. I went straight for the front door and out to my car. Maanav was coming down the stairs, still shouting and telling everyone that I’d been hurting Jai, that I was a horrible person and all kinds of other awful things that simply weren’t true.

The last image I have in my head of that night is my mother crying on the front porch and my elder sister-in-law standing next to her screaming, “Everyone knows you’re f***ing Abhay!”

And the most heartbreaking of all:

As I back my car out of the driveway, I look up to Jai’s bedroom. I see his tiny little silhouette at the window. Behind him are the moon and star shaped lights we’d chosen together to go above his little bed. Jai’s palms are pressed against the window. He’s peering out, but I can’t see his face; it’s too dark. Is he crying? Is he calling me? My poor child, what is he to make of all this? What on earth must he be feeling right now? I’m sorry, Jai. I’m so sorry. 

Please go here to continue to Chapter 45

Today is the 4th of July. It’s the little baby, who I hope slept soundly through that night, Veer’s birthday. He’s 22 today. I don’t know if he will ever read this, but if he does:

Veer, I wish you a blessed day. God bless you always. I love you. Always have. Always will.

Mum

🧡