Welcome to Confessions of a Merry Monk!
Thank you for giving up your time and bringing yourself to this series where I shall be sharing the journey of my life: my many mistakes and subsequent learnings, and the story of coming Home to my revered guru, Om Swami ji.
Since being initiated into monastic robes, people I met who heard snippets of my life and how I ended up on this path told me I should write my life story, and that it would be eye-opening and inspiring for others to read it. I previously dismissed this idea, for I’m far from a writer, and I didn’t think there was anything in my life helpful to others; I felt like a failure for most of my existence.
Perhaps it’s something I’m ready to do now, though. I feel it will be an incredibly liberating experience for me to face my past with the detachment and objectivity I am learning under Swami ji’s tutelage – something I would not have been able to do before – to write about the things that I have been holding on to for a lifetime. Time to let it all out, as they say. I’m a little bit scared to put it all out there, but I know it will be okay in the end.
And perhaps somebody, somewhere, might find one grain of sand in the dunes of my life that could help them in some way.
In the words of my guru, I shall be writing nothing other than “The unalloyed truth”.
In some places it will be dark, and in others (hopefully!) hopeful. If you’re affected by some of the darker parts of my life that I may write about, please refresh your mind by taking a look at the picture at the top of the posts in this series.
That smiling, laughing monk is the product of some hope and faith, a lot of hard work, some stubbornness, and amazingly, some divine grace.
Yes, that’s exactly what I look like… most of the time now! Anyone can do it; stay on this path long enough, and we all turn into merry caricatures who don’t take life too seriously, finding something beautiful to smile about every day 😊
I have some hope that the themes and issues raised and how I dealt with them (or, probably more aptly, how I made certain choices, and a lot of mistakes, and what I learned from them) might be helpful to others.
I am aware I’m opening up a can of worms, and it will be uncomfortable. I am no saint. I was not born a saint. There was nothing saintly about my birth or my life before meeting Swami ji. I’ll be open to judgment and criticism, and I’m okay with that; that’s just how this world is. It’s full of gift-givers, and it’s up to me which gifts I accept. If just one person is positively inspired in some way, it will be worth it.
What’s most important to me is that my revered guru, Om Swami ji, knows me and doesn’t think I’m a lost cause. Nothing I write will be news to Him, for He knew my soul before I had even met Him in person in this life. Plus, He’s heard it all directly from me before. He listened with patience to me yapping away, and hey, I’m still here! He has never made me feel any less of a person.
Thank You, Swami ji, for Yours is the biggest heart that contains zero judgment and gives us all space to heal and grow. Thank You for very, very, verrrrry… patiently helping me strive to improve.
I also thank my family for their permission and blessing to write my story. When I approached them with the idea that I might be ready to write about my life, we discussed together what might and might not be appropriate to talk about. I want them to feel comfortable with everything I write – this is very important to me.
They very graciously said I could write whatever I want.
In my father’s words,
“Every family has problems and struggles, we don’t have to pretend like we don’t. And if you can help someone by writing your story, do it.”
It’s so important to me that every child, every person, every broken soul can feel a glimmer of hope. That no matter what challenges you face, no matter how un-saintly you think you are, no matter what anyone has done to you, or put you through:
You CAN choose to live differently
You CAN heal
You CAN live a beautiful, fulfilling, and meaningful life
There is ALWAYS hope
I offer this and the chapters that will follow at the feet of The Mother of the Universe. May my life be of use to You and to others, Swami ji, my Mother and Father Most Divine. I love You. I feel safe and protected by You. Thank You for changing my life. Thank You for everything 🙇🏻♀️🌹🙏🏻)
Please note that some names in the series have been changed to protect and respect identities.
Please take care of yourselves and each other.
With His Grace,
Sushree Diya Om
🧡
(Originally published on os.me on December 27, 2020)