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May 14th: I’m nervous. I check my face in my compact mirror one last time before I go in. I’m wearing my usual misty-grey coloured contact lenses, a flash of mascara, and just a little makeup to enhance my already pregnancy-glow-suffused features.
It’s all going much smoother this time. I don’t feel sick or bloated. I haven’t put on any extra weight. With Jai, I ballooned so fast, it felt as if my body had exploded. This time, though, from behind, to look at me, you wouldn’t even think I was pregnant. Though I recovered from the stroke, I look and feel great.
And my agency seems to think so too; they’ve sent me to this casting for the front cover of Pregnancy magazine. I did a few modelling jobs for South Asian fashion houses and publications when I wasn’t visibly pregnant, including a front cover of an Indian bridal magazine. But this is a mainstream magazine. It’s unlikely I’ll get the job with my wheat and olive tones, but it was a lovely, warm drive into the city, so I enjoy the day anyway. I take a pleasant walk around central London before heading home.
May 24th: We’re at Jai’s interview for school. They take nursery class admissions from three years old. It’s one of the best schools in the country, with a price tag to match its accolades. It’s a lilac twinset and pearls kind of day for me today.
I pray he gets in. We’ve worked so hard together. Ever since Jai was a small baby, just old enough to focus, we’ve read together, sung songs and played games for learning and development – flashcards, activities, the lot. And Jai has learned a lot at his Montessori, too.
The prospective boys visit in groups of eight. They’re monitored by staff as they join in with activities and mix with some of the current nursery class.
As soon as the teacher gives the go-ahead for the kids to explore the classroom and play, most of the kids shift immediately into 5th gear, zipping around here and there, grabbing toys and climbing over things, in merry chatter and delighted shrieks.
Jai, though, doesn’t move.
He sits and observes them all for a little while. Then, he points to the books and gives me a look that asks if it’s okay to go and look at them. When I nod and encourage him, Jai selects a book, comes back and sits with me so we can read it together. I am amazed at him. He certainly isn’t like many children I’ve met before.
The teachers are impressed too. One comes by with some flashcards, has a little chat with both of us and asks Jai to point at drawings on the flashcards that most resemble the words she calls out; words like dangerous. I think to myself, what two-and-a-half-year-old knows the meaning of such words? Clearly, Jai does; he points away, charming the teacher with his cutest smile as he does. He’s right at home with books and flashcards and loves every moment of his interview.
June 2nd: After I get back from my Shiatsu class, I discover a surprise waiting for me. My suitcase is already packed, and it, along with Maanav, is already in the car.
We drive through the Hertfordshire countryside until, down a long and grand driveway, a rambling, country estate house comes into view. I’ve only seen homes like this in period dramas on TV. It takes my breath away.
This once Rothschild-owned home on 170 acres of stunningly manicured lawns is a decadent, luxury Spa resort where Maanav has booked us in for a couple of days.
I am massaged and pampered from head to toe. Thank you, hubby!
June 6th: Two exciting pieces of news today. It’s a momentous day! One, Jai got into the school! All the hard work has paid off. I’ve never been prouder of my boy.
And two, I got the modelling job! I can’t believe it. I’ve never seen an ethnic face like mine on the front cover of a mainstream magazine. As I’m heavily pregnant, they take good care of me at the photo shoot. Everything from natural makeup to a healthy lunch, snacks and coconut water are all thoughtfully provided. I can’t stop smiling.
June 8th: I don’t know how it happened. We were arguing about something downstairs in the living room near the doors to Jai’s playroom. The thing I knew, Maanav shoved me hard in the shoulder and called me a bitch… again.
I’m in shock.
The baby is due in less than a month. How can he do this to me while I’m so heavily pregnant? I’m shaking and crying as I grip the steering wheel tighter. I don’t even know where I’m going.
(Originally published on os.me on February 27, 2023)